Loneliness at Work: A Trans Girl’s Struggle

Have you ever felt so lonely that while at work you just wanted to cry and hug someone? I did today. I work at a small restaurant, and sometimes I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I feel like I have to hide my true self from everyone, especially my mom, who is very transphobic and doesn’t know that I’m a girl.

However, hiding is not easy. Sometimes, when I see the other girls at work, I feel jealous and sad. They seem so much happier and they don’t have to worry about the dysphoria and the depression that I struggle with every day. They get to wear clothes and makeup that suit their style and personality. They talk and laugh with their coworkers as if they were friends.

What would you do in my situation? Would you try to fit in or stand out? Would you risk losing your job or your family for being yourself? Would you even be able to handle the isolation and the pain?

I wish I could be like them. I wish I could have someone who would hug me and tell me that everything will be okay. That they love me for who I am, not for what they want me to be. That they are proud of me for being brave and strong. That they will always be there for me, no matter what.

But I don’t have anyone like that. I feel so alone and isolated. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone cares about me at all. If anyone would notice if I disappeared. I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of despair, with no one to save me.