Christmas gifts and voices in my head

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I meant to write this earlier but whatever. My mom told me that I’ll love my Christmas gift and that it’s different this year. I don’t know what she means by it being different this year but I doubt I’ll “love” it unless it’s her not being trans or homophobic and accepting me as her daughter which I highly doubt. Im other news. My brain has been constantly calling me a f*g, tr*y, and n*er which hurts a lot. I hate it so much. I just want to be a cute girl and be happy and not deal with transphobia 😭